"This too Shall Pass"

The Dance of Relationships

“This too shall pass.”

It’s one of the mantras from The Way of Mastery, a contemporary version of A Course in Miracles and something I’ve relied on from time to time. This seems to be the time.  

Sometimes life squeezes out lemons so fast and furious your eyes burn and tear. And all you can do is pray to the gods and goddesses of love to free your soul.

Today, I listened to a talk by someone who works with clearing ancestry. He talked about how when we watch someone we love and care about drowning, we don’t jump in to save them. We lend them a hand from the boat. If we jump in, we both end up drowning. I love that analogy! It makes so much sense because one person needs to be courageous, with the strength to pull the other back into the boat, driving the boat home to the dock.

It opened my eyes to a restoring way to look at relationships, especially when one person is mired in acting out pain. We can’t take their pain and make it our pain. They must process it themselves.

This idea lifted a heavy weight from my heart. The guilt I’ve been feeling about leaving a relationship that has been held tenderly and throttled for years can be over. I no longer have to sit on that rickety old paint-peeling wooden fence. I can get off and move forward with my life.

It sounds so obvious. And it seems so simple. And if you’re someone like me, a sensitive soul who wants only good for everyone, it’s like pulling my teeth out.

The future reminds me of San Francisco’s early morning fog, unclear and mysterious. I fear living alone and believe that’s why I hang on to a relationship that no longer feels good or serves us. When I look back, I wonder when it did feel joyous. And I admit that shame comes to visit. Did I love myself so little that I settled for less than what I thought I was worthy to experience? And the answer is yes.

Living with that answer is not easy. Yet, it propels me to do better next time, motivating my learning and inspiring me to grow. If I can’t learn from this relationship, I am slated to experience it again until I get it. And my motivation is to get it now. While my eyes are still open, perhaps stinging yet open.

Ruthie Urman

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